Ok, so I finally dug out that old blue binder...into the depths I go! Wow, it truly is filled with dark and depressing writing! To be honest, I have found little pieces of comfort as I go through and read, a kind of warmth...It's hard to explain, but it is so familiar, and now brings the comfort I once longed for! Perhaps because I have managed to make it through all that stuff?! This stuff was all written about 15 years ago, so I sure hope I've found my way through!
These first pieces I am putting in came to me one day, I remember sitting in Social Studies class! They are not from personal experience per se, but still caused me a lot of confusion and grief to write! I still recall the day I wrote these, it's so very vivid!
The Children Speak
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Daddy storms in,
Throws down his coat and
Sinks into a chair.
Grab me a beer!
Mommy rushes in,
Beer in one hand and
Dinner in the other.
How was your day?
Daddy stares at the TV,
Hardly glancing away
As he grabs his dinner.
What's this slop?
Mommy flinches,
She's so tired,
So weary.
It's a new recipe, hope you like it.
Daddy turns with a grunt,
He puts his full plate aside and
Guzzles his cold beer.
I'm suddenly not hungry.
Mommy heads to the kitchen
Where brother is crying,
He's hungry too.
I'm coming darling.
Daddy snorts in amusement.
He glances my way
With a long, hard stare.
Shut that kid up.
Mommy is crying.
I know she's hurting,
But what can I do?
I am doing the best that I can!
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The sky is blue and
The air is icy.
The door swings open,
Cold, dark Daddy appears.
I softly say hello,
He grunts to show his acknowledgement.
He stomps past me,
Hollering for Mommy.
He's yelling,
She's crying.
He hits her pretty face,
She slumps to the floor.
Brother and I are crying,
Daddy comes running,
"Shut-up!"
He raises his hand.
Mommy stumbles in and
Grabs his arm.
He throw her to the ground,
"I'm going for a beer."
The door slams shut.
The silence is deafening.
Brother continues playing, and
Mommy falls into a chair.
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The sky outside is cold and gray.
No children allowed out to play.
Stuck inside with Mommy and Daddy,
Left to hear the stinging words and bruising hits.
No one hears the children cry,
They only continue to sigh
About their own arguing kids and overdue bills.
Too wrapped up in their own "troubled" lives.
The warmth of the homes hardly different from the cold.
The children left to starve so Daddy can have his beer.
Old bruises and new,
recognized by no one.
"If only she'd told us, we could have helped..."
The neighbours explain to themselves.
But, if only you'd opened your eyes to those less fortunate,
Mommy would be alive.
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Outside is cold,
Inside is cold.
"Mommy, I'm hungry."
There is no more money.
"The children go hungry,
Yet there's money for your beer?"
The rain stains the ceiling, walls and floors,
But it won't be fixed while there's still beer.
The arguments continue,
No end in sight.
"He loves me, he's just stressed out."
Is the explanation you give.
The children are crying,
The housework's not done.
In walks Daddy,
Run family run!
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Here comes Daddy,
He's had a rough day.
"Is the housework done?
Are the kids asleep?
What about that dinner?
It better be cooking!"
Here comes Daddy,
He stepped on a toy!
"I thought it was gone,
The phone rang,
I'm sorry!
Tomorrow will be better, please just don't hit me!"
Here comes Daddy,
His hand is raised!
"Nothing is ever done right!"
"I wasn't feeling well,
the kids acted up,
Everything will be done tomorrow (if I make it)"
Here comes Daddy,
He's got flowers in his hand!
"Had a rough day?
These are for you.
How's your head?
Gee, I'm so sorry."
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