Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Dancing with Chaos

Your mind is burned out from spinning in high gear and threatens to shut down.

Your eyes feel swollen from crying.

Your heart aches, worsened by the fast pace that makes you wonder if your heart could really explode?

Your body trembles, as if you are cold, but in that instant you are on fire.

Your stomach churns, filled with a hunger that will seemingly never be filled.

You consistently walk backwards, neck strained from going back and forth…

You spin in circles.

You say the same words, over and over…

You try, or would like to tell yourself that you do.

You sit in a chair, curled up tightly under a blanket, and stare out the window. You see the vibrant colors of nature, the trees dancing in the cool wind and feel the pull. You feel the calling of nature, of life and of the moment. You know inside that you should be warmed, feel hope and promise. Instead, your stomach and heart seem to be straining against each other. You feel physically pained from head to toe and wish only to cry out loud.

Quiet…QUIET…Silence…

You long for it, you yearn for it and it finally comes.

Sometimes, something is better than nothing though. The pause seems to be too much… The sense of aloneness is more than you can take, so you take a step, back into the fire. You’ve gone back into the Dance of Chaos.

One step, two steps…forwards or backwards…does it matter?
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