The answer to his question was “No.” However, in that minute where everything changed from what I had expected, the weight of the world crashed down upon my shoulders. Every other frustration in my mind, every worry and concern; I suddenly felt like I was beneath a large, dark mountain. I couldn’t control the tears as they began to fall. Large, wet drops streamed down my face. I stared out the window, conscious of the fact that I wasn’t crying about dinner. All of the things I’ve wanted and all of the things I haven’t wished to experience just seemed to smother me then. “What do I do now?” was echoing through my mind, but the question was no longer about dinner. I honestly felt like just walking out the door into the dark, wet streets and wandering.
It took me awhile, but I finally took a deep breath in…through the nose…and let it all out…through the mouth. There was certainly nothing that could be done to solve anything at the time, so I knew I had to just step forward. After all, dinner wasn’t going to cook itself!
Today, I can more fully comprehend what was happening inside of me last night. It has reminded me of a few important things:
1. We should never judge another’s reaction to any circumstance; you don’t always know where exactly the emotions are really coming from.
2. Keeping things bottled up inside is never a good thing, those emotions are guaranteed to come out in the worst and least expected times.
3. Life doesn’t fix itself. Nothing in our lives will change unless WE do something to bring that change about.
4. Love and Marriage require work; consistent and continuous work. I miss my husband. Yes, he is here, but we have been going through a bit of a rough patch. We are both missing each other, but, we’ve obviously not been paying attention to what I mention in #3!
I’ve got some thinking and work to do it would seem! At least dinner is already cooking away in the Crock Pot!
“To give ones heart, is to give all” – Ghandi
“When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” – Lao Tzu
“You were born with potential. You were born with goodness and trust. You were born with ideals and dreams. You were born with greatness. You were born with wings. You are not meant for crawling, so don’t. You have wings. Learn to use them and fly.” - Rumi