Morning Person? HA!!

I have never been a morning person; self admitted morning grump! I have never been happy in those first moments, after the eyes open and the mind realizes that it’s been brought out of its state of re-charging. Morning greetings, aside from those sweetly uttered by my daughter, are typically met with the equivalent of “grrrr…”! I can’t shake the growlies in the morning, even though I can lightly laugh at my foolishness; to myself. The morning cup of coffee has never been the fix either; for me, it’s the shower.

Most mornings, when I step into the warmth of my shower, I can’t contain the “Aaahh…Oh. My. God.” That slips from my mouth. My bones and muscles instantly relax, my pores open and as the water rushes down on me, I feel the sleepy haze drift up and away with the steam. I feel rejuvenated. I feel human. All the residual grumpiness flows down the drain with the shampoo and soap.

The perfect solution: a magical shower installed beside the bed. The moment my eyes open I could be instantly and gently transported into the shower. Some of my favorite tunes playing, the magical machine sets to work washing my hair, oh and some heavenly scent floating through the steam and seeping into my skin…sounds great!! (Not sure how this would work, but it is a GREAT idea!)

October 15th - Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day

I came across this many years ago... As it did then, it brings me peace, warmth and smiles.

Beyond Dreams Edge – Debbi Dickinson Naperville, Illinois

Three new children play tonight

In a land beyond dreams edge

Instead of sand, they play with stardust,

Getting glitter sparkles on their hands.

Instead of coloring books,

They color rainbows

For God to place in the sky,

His promise to us below.

Instead of jumping rope,

They jump strands of sunlight.

Braided strong by His might,

Forever shining bright.

Instead of riding bikes,

They spread their wings

And fly to distant stars,

As all the angels sing.

Instead of snow slopes,

They slide down moonbeams,

Irridescent glowing streams,

Landing in heavenly green.

Instead of TV,

They watch sunrises, sunsets,

And all that transpires in between,

Secure that God knows best.

Instead of playing ball,

They catch stars,

Before they fall,

Loving the wonder of it all.

Instead of bouncing on their beds,

They bounce on clouds,

Their laughter echoes about,

Just beyond dreams edge.

We meet at night in prayer.

I quietly wait to see them there,

Golden haloes on their heads,

In a land beyond dreams edge.

One of THOSE Days

Some days, while you know better, it is just EASIER to succumb to the gloomy feelings that surface. It feels comforting to be wrapped in the arms of the darkness. Allowing yourself to sink into the heaviness of the day and feel its weight upon your body feels RIGHT. Sometimes we just have to give in and BE with the gloominess.

I would suppose that there is something inside that wants to be heard and this is its way of calling out to you; something we need to learn, to remind ourselves or simply acknowledge for what it really is. But, it can sometimes be really heard to listen and watch for these signals; the glimpses of truth, when we are draped in the solace of our “grumpiness”.

Some days, giving into the embrace of a black mood is just what we need. It comes from within and is only asking for recognition. It is coming from some part of us that just NEEDS to be in that state of lower vibrations and slower energy.

In the desert I saw a creature, naked, bestial,

Who, squatting upon the ground,

Held his heart in his hands,

And ate of it.

I said, “Is it good, friend?”

“It is bitter-bitter,” he answered;

“But I like it

Because it is bitter

And because it is my heart.”

– Stephen Crane

Beautiful

We've been enjoying some beautiful weather lately!! It's about time. No layers upon layers of clothes and sweaters, no socks!! Makiya, little outdoor girl, has been of course loving it too! Getting dirty, swing rides, slide rides and walks!! Fun stuff!

I just feel so alive in the sunshine and heat. It warms me right to the soul! It also makes me want to get out of the city, fiercely!! I am dying to get out to the mountains, do some camping and visiting! Thank goodness it's only May, there's still plenty of time!

I Remember The Days

There were fires that burned so bright, we wore our sunglasses in the night.
The skies lit up with an amazing orange glow, bouncing off the trees and warming the ground below.
All of us different, and yet so much the same...
The smoke circled so thickly as it slipped through the fibers of our clothing, into the fibers of our souls...
Dust crept from head to toe, so fine you could feel it in your nose and taste it with each breath in.
There was music that echoed loudly, often different sounds coming boldly from each corner.
The roar in the background that sliced through the night..a raging river, a 4x4 truck, a muddy quad, a water clogged dirtbike?
Laughter and chatter, hollers and rantings...
An energy so intense and exhilirating, the vibrations moved quickly through each of us...
Soaking in and taking hold...

Forever a part of me.

Today is the day

I am a huge believer in the laws of attraction, "The Secret" and all the things authors like Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay and Eckhart Tolle discuss. Reading their books and working through the  lessons that they share excites me and awakens that spark inside of me. I  tried hard to really start living by these messages and truths.

Suddenly all the good that seemed to be blossoming around me vanished, and aside from some BIG wonderful things (like my beautiful daughter!) happening, life took a tremendous swoop into a downward spiral. I have come to describe it as a massive black cloud that will not lift. This darkness came about 2 years ago, and progressively got darker. For a long time I persisted with my beliefs and remained positive as often as I could. I wouldn't allow myself to get pulled into the whirlwind, and somehow managed for the most part to stay just above it. My feet dangled just low enough to feel the winds, but it wasn't strong enough to drag me inside.

Lately, that power has abandoned me completely. It has left me at the bottom of this chaos, lights out, walls up. I haven't been able to connect with that light, the energy, the trust and belief. In the back of my mind is this little voice that whispers to me, calling me back.  I need to release myself again to its power. I long for it, I dream of it, and yet I cannot seem to release myself and allow it to happen.

I know I have to shift my mindset. Stop that internal madness and just let go. I need to allow my purpose to find me again. This has all been exactly where I needed to be, these are the feelings I have needed to feel and it was all meant to be. It was all meant to take me to the next chapter, the next journey, the next set of challenges that are waiting to begin.

I can feel the warmth, see the sunshine, taste and smell the beauty in all that is to surround me. I know that I will get there, and it will all be just as I have imagined and dreamed it to be. Every single day is a step closer. Every day is a doorway that opens to the possibilities that are. Each new day could be the day that it happens.

Today is THE day.

Feels like Monday today...

Arghh...It feels like a Monday on so many levels this morning! I can't seem to get going these days!

The house is a disaster, it needs some serious TLC! I am thinking I should make a cup of tea, turn on CMT and get to it...Sounds like a great plan in theory, hmmm...not moving so fast yet...

It's funny, I have gotten into this state of feeling like I am just not home yet, and it's got me not taking pride in our house. It doesn't feel right, so instead of changing that, I just let it be...

I miss our plants, we always had lots of them, green everywhere...it's never home without plants! They add so much life and warmth... I even went so far as to start 3 avacado seeds, just to have SOMETHING growing! It's a good start I guess, but all I have so far is ROOTS! (Hmmm, looking at that, I am onto something with that...not home yet, all I have is roots...hmmm, I should write that one down!)

Well, I really should go and try and get something done...