Monday, January 17, 2011

Finding Balance in Being “The Adult”


Okay, I have to admit that I really do like this song. It’s one of those, hmmm, kind of inside jokes with myself. It reminds me of when I was a teenager; the crazy fun of being so young, carefree and, well, for me, a couple of the really stupid guy mistakes I made. But, like I said, it’s been a good song, and I haven’t been bothered by the references made; I enjoyed my personal relations to the song.

Until now.

When does it finally change inside of us? When do we realize the things we thought we were truths are nothing but lies that benefited another? When do we turn into adults?!

As we grow older, our role, in the circles that we are part, becomes that of an adult, and the others that have now become the children or teenagers.

I have no other option but to laugh inside myself at times. I can look at the teenage girls and think, “oh I have sooo been there!”, other times it’s more like “aww, girl, you are so much better than this!” or, even more common among many of our thoughts, “what are you thinking?!”

The proclaimed love for boys that have no clue, the belief that the boy in question loves her or the “you don’t know how I feel!!” Oh, to be so young and truly clueless; no thank you!!

I was one of those girls that did go with the older guys; usually at least five years older back then. I, of course, found nothing strange in a guy in his twenties/thirties having interest in a girl that was fifteen or sixteen. I was special, I was pretty enough and smart enough; why wouldn’t they be interested in me?! It would never have occurred to me that, any girl that was in her right mind and of the appropriate age and maturity, would never consider these guys because they were immature and not interested in progressing in their lives enough to lead a productive and fulfilling life. It would never have made sense that what others knew to be true WAS the truth; those guys were only interested in having a good time, getting drunk/high and having sex with ANYONE that would actually go near them! There was nothing about me that was “special” in their eyes, except I was the one that was taking the time in the moment to make THEM feel special; ha, no one else would go there!

What I mean to say is that these guys who are older, the ones that get involved with young, teenage girls have the tendency to be guys that really have not even a glimmer of love and respect in their body for the girls they become involved with. They aren’t thinking of the feelings, futures or current lives of the girls that they are actually seducing. Sure, most times, they are so immature and insecure within themselves that there usually isn’t even a chance that they realize that they are doing something that is wrong; sure they might HEAR the warnings from unhappy parents or friends that have more intelligence, but they don’t really get it.

Why are we, as young girls, so accepting? Why do we insist on searching out and taking on that which is so obviously NOT right for us? Why can we not realize that we will never find that which we often miss, either physically or emotionally, from our fathers; no boy or man could or would ever be able to fill or replace that which has not been filled inside of ourselves! Yet, we continue to walk down that road that takes us even farther from the result that we so desperately seek; telling ourselves along the way that THIS guy is different, and he WILL be THE ONE.

The one…who will do what? Will say what? Will make us feel what? No man could ever take us back to that place where we were a little girl who needed the love, comfort and guidance of our daddy. He could never say the words that as a child we NEEDED to hear, or wanted to hear. His arms could never feel large enough to cover the body of a heartbroken child who cried herself to sleep with hopes and dreams of her daddy being there to comfort her.

It took time to realize the truth about these “relationships” from my youth. It takes all of us time to learn the things that we need to, but, once you have invested the years of learning, it also slowly becomes a little more difficult to recall the naivety that once existed inside ourselves. It becomes harder to see what drove us and what inside allowed us to accept the things that we now see as ridiculous.

The up side of growing older is that we learn, and gain insight, but the downside is that we also have a tendency to forget where we came from; literally, and also in terms of the innocence that led us to make the choices we did.

Finding the balance between these two becomes imperative when it comes to dealing with our children/stepchildren/grandchildren and, really, all of the children that we encounter in our lives.
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