There are days that I feel as though there is not a single thing that goes the way I would like; unfortunately those days often occur when I have looked forward to the day eagerly.
I find myself looking after the needs of others, answering and fulfilling THEIR every desire, only to find that each SMALL thing that I envisioned has fallen to the side or deemed un-important. After many hours of trying to happily comply and push my own feelings of let-down away, I inevitably find myself “grim and grumpy”.
By the time I reach that point, I tend to feel justified, and therefore content to stay in my mood. But, I also have the moments where I question what the hell I am doing?!
I can feel the others light tip-toes around me, their attempts to bring me back and I begin to feel guilty; so I pay attention to what I could be missing, I try to remind myself to be present in the moment.
I then move onto thinking why what I want should be considered any less important than what is on everyone else’s agenda? Why should their interests override my own?
Since baby girl came into our lives, I have found myself in this dilemma more often. I get frustrated at the lack of understanding and respect that people have for the job I now have; the job that doesn’t quit just because I want a break or someone else wants to do something different! I understand that some people aren’t in that situation now, “been there and done it”, or even they just have a different attitude towards being a parent; but I find it difficult at times to have enough patience to deal with it all in one day!
There are so many things racing through my mind at any given moment aside from that which is actually happening; things that no one aside from my husband, and sometimes not even him, would understand or appreciate the magnitude of.
I try to remind myself that all we have is THIS moment, but when the weight of so many other things exists, it becomes difficult at times to just forget…