Friday, February 4, 2011
My heart is racing, I feel like I am vibrating and I did shed a few tears.
Given horrifying news that leaves me desperate to act and yet asked to not repeat a word.
Pride (and relief) in a strong, courageous, brave and ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY decision.
Utter shock and disgust.
Total understanding, relation and empathy; but impelled to confront in one way or another.
A new role, new issues and concerns; more responsibility, deeper thinking and inevitably I suppose, more heartache, worry and desire to protect.
If I allow this to remain inside much longer, I may actually explode!
If I act upon my instincts, chaos will certainly erupt.
Several possible avenues of action to take; depending on one’s own filter, the answer may be obvious. Silence (in the hopes it really will NEVER happen again), physical retaliation (a desperate, in-grained, protective, adrenaline rush, eye-for-an-eye punishment) or perhaps even a phone call to the cops (almost never the preferred action, but one wonders…maybe this time it SHOULD happen…).
Asked NOT to speak to my best friend, my “confidante”, my partner, lover and husband; the one that every inch, every fiber of my being is calling out for me to turn to. Isn’t that a sign in itself? I actually pride myself on not being ABLE to hide things (ok, confusing women, mental issues aside!) from my husband; I tell him EVERYTHING! In confidence, non-life threatening things said to me are one thing, but when there is a serious twist to it, young and un-informed, uneducated and innocent to the SERIOUS things in life…even with the promise that there will be no opportunity, no option for these events to occur again… I KNOW what can happen inside of our minds. I KNOW the excuses we can be given, the apologies and promises.
Mmmmmppphhhh (inhale) ….hhhhhhhhmmmmpppphhh (exhale) ….
I really need to sit with this one for a short time, and I think re-visit the conversation before ultimately deciding to open my mouth and let the words pour out…
Posted by Laurinda Wheeler at 9:30 PM