Happy Birthday Sweet Girl

Makiya.

My little angel.

My baby girl.

I never imagined I would ever hold you in my arms, and even when they finally placed you on my chest and I finally got to look into your amazing little face, I couldn’t seem to breathe, relax and accept that you had made your way to me.

In just these short three years that I have had you before my eyes, in my arms, on my mind and in my heart, I have been transformed, before your eyes and because of your life, love and innocence. You’ve made me see through the eyes of a child again, and brought me to a place that could never have one face anything less than that; to grow, live and laugh as a child. You have a joy and determination, a love for all that amazes me daily; you make me feel as naïve and hungry for learning and life as you must be.

I wonder about what you think about, the things you aren’t able, ready or perhaps willing to yet share. I wonder how you feel, what your thoughts are to this point about this world, your family… I long to know what truly makes you happiest, what interests you the most and what you would love to try, aside from EVERYTHING at this early age of three! I think about the parts of you that are forming, the things that are beyond, hidden behind, inside, the things that aren’t shouted, giggled and whispered about. I wonder about the person you are becoming.

I try my best every day, even on the roughest of them. I try to show you only the joys that a child should experience. I try to give you a childhood that will be woven into memories, happy and warm thoughts of a loving, learning and laughing time in your life.

I want only for you to breathe gently and inhale all of the world that surrounds you. I want for you to dance freely, as you do, releasing yourself to all that will surely come to you. I want for you to continue to sing as exuberantly, happily and straight from the heart and soul as I witness constantly throughout our days.I want for you to be all that you can, which is anything and everything.

You are the most amazing little girl; so smart, funny, strong and, of course, beautiful.

You are my world, my everything, my all. I would do anything I ever could for you, and I will always do my best to make sure that you are surrounded by nothing less than a true, peaceful and love filled home.

Happy 3rd Birthday my sweet girl!

Love, Mommy

My Sweet Bully

She put herself in time out, for her in her words "being sassy"!

This sweet little girl clutches the dark corner of her blanket as she cuddles into my body as she sips her milk in the early hours of the morning. Her tiny little form warm against my own and that heavenly sweet smell that is all hers, filling me with love. She turns to me, holds my face in her hands, looks me in the eyes deeply and says "Mommy, I love you so much."

A few hours later, we make our way to the park. Her soft hand melting into mine as we walk and chatter back and forth as she notices everything, points out all she can name and wonders at all that she sees around her. As we near the entrance, I stop and kneel down to her level, “Makiya, there are other kids at the park. The park is for everyone to play together. Are you going to be nice to the kids?” She roughly crosses her arms and slams them against her body, uttering the typical “hmmph” and loud “NO!” I stand and start to turn, “That’s fine, we’ll just go home then.” “No mommy, I sorry. Go to pawk!” We spend a few moments talking about how she needs to be nice and finally reached a calm point where I felt we may be okay to proceed to the park. We walk into the park and as she waves she says “Hi kids! Habing fun?! Hi kids! Habing fun?!” It only takes a moment, she is yelling “Nooo!!” and throwing rocks at the other children and succeeds in hitting me in the teeth with them. I firmly reprimand her, offer her a final chance and am not even fully standing back up before she throws more rocks and throws herself on the ground kicking and screaming. I stand her up, take her by the hand and lead her off to try to calm down with the lunch that I brought. We walked across the greenspace with her screaming, crying, falling down, and begging “No mommy! I sorry, I sorry! Go back to pawk! NO! No lunch! PAWK!!!!” After failing at lunch the playground had quieted a little and I again hoped it may be okay. We spent a few minutes laughing and playing; she made me go for a ride in the “car” and she amazed me with her agility and speed in climbing the ladders up to the slide. Then, we headed back to the “car” where we approached a group of kids, and again, she picked up two fistfuls of rocks that I quickly kept from being thrown.

We left that park and headed home.

In what I must admit would be giving yet another, hmmm, un-earned chance, before we made it home, we stopped at another little playground that was pretty quiet. As soon as she began to climb up, two kids appeared and she waved! “Hi kids! Habing fun!” Whew! Down the slide, laughter and giggles and a race back around to do it all over again. She climbed up and encountered the kids again, this time she wasn’t so friendly. I grabbed her by the arm and began to tell her we were leaving when she punched me in the face. I was stunned. I quickly picked her up and carried her back down and began to walk home. We struggled a moment as she proceeded to hit me in the face a few more times. I managed to strap her into her stroller for the first time in our entire outing. She thrashed and screamed the entire two blocks home, where she found herself in a time out immediately.

It was, thankfully naptime.

Stage or attitude that is purely her own? We shall see!

In the meantime, I can hear us being labeled as the ones with the bully child! The one who beats up her mommy!

2 Years Ago Tonight

It’s hard to believe that 2 years have passed by already…

2 years ago tonight, I lay alone in a hospital bed with my 2 day old baby girl beside me; we didn’t realize, and no one offered, that my husband could stay with us. Baby girl was having a little bit of a problem with phlegm, choking and not being able to breathe; in the end it was nothing serious, but as a new mom, I was terrified! Next to us, was a rather loud baby, mom and dad; this baby would NOT stop crying!! When it finally would fall asleep, mom and dad would continue to chat, not very quietly, especially considering the time of night that it was. Baby girl, as she continued to do for nearly a year, did not sleep very well either, being continuously awakened by the commotions behind the curtain. I was exhausted, nervous about being left alone with a newborn, and longed to me in the comfort of my own home, with my husband there by my side. I grew more and more anxious, and extremely irritable; I just wanted to take my baby and walk out of the hospital!!

Finally, after very little sleep, it was morning! I called home, excited to find out when hubby and mom would be coming to get us; not, of course, thinking of the time it would take the doctor to come around, or what the reaction to my legs would be. Unfortunately, by morning, my legs, ankles and feet had swollen up to a rather large and uncomfortable size. When the doctor finally came around to see us, several hours after I had anticipated, there was a great concern for what was going on with me; baby girl had been deemed healthy enough to go home. We had to wait even longer as I was being sent for an ultra-sound to clear the possibility of a blood clot.

At last, time for our new little family to go home! The concern with ladybugs choking etc., the insecurities, all soon disappeared; taken over by the routine of our new life with a baby, the natural and instinctive take-over that happens.

Now, we sit here, 2 years later. Baby girl is not so much a baby anymore. She’s now a toddler, a little girl; a child with a brilliant mind all her own. Independent and strong-willed, learning so many things so quickly, developing her personality, and discovering her very distinct “likes” and “dislikes”. Our beautiful, precious little girl…

The New Purse

I had carried a purse for at least 15 years of my life; always black and usually with some type of “silver” detailing, but always varying in size and shape.

Each, and every, time I purchased a new purse, I would promise myself that this would be the one that would be kept neat and organized, and never overfilled. Roughly a month later, that promise would be a distant memory, leaving me with an overstuffed and cluttered junk drawer!

Towards the end of my life with a purse 2 years ago, I may have begun to go overboard, but at least I usually had whatever little thing might be required in a given situation! I carried, among many other typical and some not so normal items, a little flowered hammer with a handle that unscrewed to reveal a few different screwdrivers, a tape measure, and a multi-headed screwdriver. Ok, yes, I am/was an Interior Decorator, but it wasn’t my attaché/briefcase/work-kit, I carried this stuff in my purse!

In a sense, a portion of my world, who I am was carried in my purse, and I always kept it close at hand.

Then came mommy-hood. Enter, the DIAPER BAG. Well, let me tell you, I was pleasantly surprised to discover what I could carry in it! Never mind that it wasn’t as “stylish” (okay, I am not a FASHION-ista in ANY SENSE, but I DO know what looks good and what isn’t acceptable!), it had room for most anything I wanted/needed to carry!

Times, they are a’changing! The need for such a large bag is diminishing and the NEED for some little piece of ME is screaming out! So, a couple of days ago, I went out and brought home a little something for Mommy, a little beauty that I have been eyeing up.

She’s pretty; small, black (of course!), white stitching and including my favorite silver detailing! Just the right size for what I intend to fill it with put in the designated places. I pledge anew that she will be kept clean and clutter free, and this time, honestly, I mean it!