Scheduling Balance to Create a Balanced Schedule

For quite some time, I have been listing "create routine in my life" as a goal, and for quite some time, I have been working on making that happen. My healing and recovery journey has me destroying old scripts, so that I can create a new and healthy flow; it takes time and effort to unravel a lifetime of chaos.

I have learned more about making SMART (Specific Measurable Achievable Realistic Time-Bound) goals. I have been absorbing all that I can take in surrounding changing unhealthy behaviors and patterns, how the brain works, it's ability to make repairs, and how we can assist in and strengthen that process. I have learned about the repetition that is required, and the time in which it takes for a changed behavior, belief, or a thought to become wired into our brain fully, which is said to be roughly 21 days (although it really takes a little longer). I have also begun to fully understand the importance of having BALANCE in life.

I now understand that routine and scheduling will CREATE the balance that I, we, need in life.

In order for me to FEEL balanced in all aspects of my life, I must plan ahead so that I can fully immerse myself in completing the things required of me. For me to feel whole, there are things I believe(d) that I must include daily, on a personal and self-care level. But, as there are only so many hours in a day (and you cannot function with four hours of sleep nightly, attempting to fit it all into each day, as I recently discovered!), I have come to the realization that if I get serious about identifying and becoming clear about the why and what the benefits that I SEE and FEEL are when I accomplish these "must do" things, I will then feel compelled to MAKE them routine. Despite how I anticipate, or actually am feeling in the moment, I am making a great effort to no longer allow excuses, and I am really working hard to hold myself accountable in my intentions, goals, and actions. 

My current focus and goals revolve around work/school, being a mom, my healing and recovery journey, those things that I am passionate about doing, that fill me with joy and light, which have now grown to include loving myself. Self-care has FINALLY come into my awareness, and the many ways TO take care of me.

Prioritizing balance, by creating routine and schedules that ARE balanced, is the path that will enable me to reach my goal, and get the most out of this crazy and fluid thing we call life.

Recovering My Writing - Healing Through Words

Hello again, or maybe for the first time!!

I've been under construction. Digging deep, and working on myself. Reading and meditation have been where the majority of my time has been spent. The only writing I was doing came in the form of worksheets, answering the questions in the books I was reading, exercises, homework...

I  have been wanting to write. I have been needing to write. Intending to write. Trying to write. Being "encouraged" (pestered!) to write by mom. There were few times I was able to get much out, and my attempt at using a journal just didn't stick. I wanted to get back here, to my blog, and share my stories. I wanted to use my writing, and this platform, to aid in my healing journey, and maybe to help or inspire your own. I attempted to establish a new writing routine. I thought about how to begin again here. I pondered where to begin my story. I just could not seem to bring myself to do it. Nothing came.


The majority of my focus has been on my healing and recovery, but I've also been working with a Job Coach on my Job Search path. I need to find work again, or go to school; something to generate a sustainable income AND feed my passions.

I told myself, despite the feedback around me, that the writing would have to wait, the blog would have to wait. I told myself there were more important things to be doing with my time. These thoughts still did nothing to get me moving, feel inspired or motivated.

The only thing I was really able to see was the work I needed to do on my healing and recovery.
(I am pretty certain most of us know what that tends to looks like...)

Photo

Until now.
I have spent a lot of time in recent weeks in Solitude. Not completely and totally, all alone by myself; I do have a 9 year old daughter, and life just doesn't allow that opportunity! Throughout my life, I have been afraid of solitude, and instead immersed myself in Isolation. This time has been different.

I have come to the point where all roads, messages and suggestions have come together, with flashing arrows pointing at a sign: FOLLOW YOUR PASSIONS.

The fire within is roaring, and my gifts are wanting to expand. Writing, photography, rocks/crystals, nature, inspiring others, these are the things screaming to be heard, seen, felt. I NEED to put some time and effort into expressing these parts of me.

I realize that my story is not over, and so, there really is no specific place to begin in the sharing of it.

I must begin where I currently sit.

I must begin here and now.

Roadblock

I realize more and more everyday that although I am doing a wonderful thing when it comes to staying at home with my daughter, I am not really doing a single other thing that has meaning for ME. I try to write, again stuck in my head with no words coming out; but I want and need to be doing more. I have visions, expectations, hopes and dreams for my future, and I am truly doing nothing to work towards making any of it become a reality.

Something is blocking my path.

I am full of intentions, try to plan my day and still every day is beginning to run into the next. Like the movie “Groundhog Day”, I live the same day over and over again. Part of it is just the fact that I am an at-home mom I imagine, I don’t drive, so I don’t get out in the winter as often as I would like, or should, and on the subject of the season, I do get the blahs EVERY year at this time.

At the end of the day, I know that I should and could be doing so much more. The more I find to become involved with, the more I will begin to feel better, and the closer I will come to opening the doors that need to pushed wide open. And yet, I find myself asking if somewhere deep inside I am AFRAID to move forward. Of course, that is not an easy question to ask oneself, and is usually met with that insane laughter, “Ha Ha! Why would I not want to have my dreams come true?! That is ridiculous!!” But if I am not afraid on some level, what else could be holding me back? I have the power to achieve anything that I put my heart and mind into, and I KNOW that is true, so why do I insist on staying in this holding zone?

What words am I afraid to write? What people am I fearful of encountering? What potential change in my life, if I were to be successful, is frightening to me on some level when I imagine it? Am I afraid of failure? Am I afraid of what people would think if I were to do A, B or C? Why am I afraid of exposing myself, who I am and what I have done? Why am I afraid to learn and try something totally new?

Are there things that you know you should be doing to get closer to your true self and what you truly want in your life? If so, what “fears” are in your way and how are you making the effort to push past that?

Content to Dream...for now...

My husband got me a beautiful calendar of tropical islands for Christmas, Islands in the Sun. Most anyone who knows me, can probably imagine how much delight this brought me! Just to stare into each photograph of vibrant blues in the waters and skies, the lush greens of the trees and other plants and the broad spectrum of colors to be found in the exotic flowers…ahhhh!! Each and every time that I gaze into such photos, I am INSTANTLY transported; I can feel the sand beneath my feet, the water lapping at my toes, I feel the warmth of the sun and the breeze that lightly lifts the hairs on my arms and I can smell so many things, the salt in the air, the flowers, the coconut oil on my skin…

This new year, 2011, will bring me that much closer to achieving my dream. No, unfortunately, I don’t have plans made, nor am I currently actively working towards it; however, it is, and always has been, deep inside of me, the knowledge that I WILL be in these places. I KNOW that my life is going to take me there, not just for a short vacation, but I will have the opportunity to soak up every single bit of it all as I spend perhaps years there.

Lofty dreams? Wishful thinking? Perhaps, but I choose instead to live happily in the belief that what I have always felt to be a reality in my future, will absolutely be. Besides, doesn’t somebody say that without dreams we have nothing?!

For now, I face each day as it comes. Attending to the things I must, and dreaming/planning of the day when I prepare to make the trip to the places I will go.

Happy New Year and Happy Birthday to my Baby Girl!!

I have many things swirling through my mind these days, many things I would like to write about and things I would like to write down in an effort to work them out inside of me. Between Christmas, visiting family and cold/flu running through the house, I haven’t had a chance to do much of anything! Now that I am getting back to normal, the Christmas decorations are coming down, goals are ready to be decided upon and set and focus on my writing is in order!

Today is my baby girls 2nd Birthday!

Wow, it is so true “time flies” when it comes to our kids! In some ways it has been looooong and in most other ways, it is just amazing how fast she has grown and learned so many things. I remember all of the fear and anticipation leading up to her birth, the back labor and finally meeting her for the first time; and I savor every instant since then. Makiya has taught me so many things, about myself, about life and about family. Her laughter, that smile and her wonder at life capture me every minute of each day, and I fall deeper in love with her!

Well, these are all the words I can manage for now, and I should really get back to the mess that is this house!!

Happy New Year to you all, and I look forward to sharing, learning and growing some more with you in the upcoming year!