Time for Mom and Makiya

What crazy weather we are having! Snow, rain, GLOOM!! It truly feels like fall, not the beautiful summer I am longing for!!

It is perfect weather for doing some baking though!! Makiya and I have made some Banana Bread and Peanut Butter Cookies! Well, Makiya enjoyed playing with and eating the batters!!

My little Ladybug also got a new rain coat, perfect for this weather!!

She is growing so quickly!! Learning more and more everyday! It won't be long and she will be doing all sorts of talking, she sure is trying out her sounds these days! She is rapidly changing from my Baby Girl into a Little Girl!!

Between my recovering and this crappy weather, it's been great for some special mom and Makiya time!!

Toothache?

Well, I for one did not truly understand the potential for such serious repercussions from a toothache!

My husband and I have neglected our teeth over the years, (some financial reasons, and some plain old procrastination!) and subsequently suffered some BAD pain! My girlfriend is a Dental Assistant, and has warned us about the danger in the past. She mentioned stories of abcess complications that go into the brain. It was always one of those things that we took with us, but sort of felt it was in the abyss. Something that couldn't/wouldn't happen to us.

Well, well, well!! Let me tell you...

Last Monday afternoon, my bad tooth started acting up. I got very little sleep, and was in severe pain by Tuesday morning. Having no money to pay for a dental visit, I hoped it would just subside. By afternoon, I knew that was not going to happen, so in desperation, I walked down to the dentist. I begged them to work out a payment plan, give me other suggestions, offer pain relief ideas...Nothing. So another horrible night of suffering. Wednesday morning, I woke up with a swollen tongue and throat, and had a hard time swallowing. A difficult morning of deciding what to do, calls to the dentist, quick stop into a Medical Clinic and a phone call to Health Link... The nurse interrupted my story, "Ma'am, you need to hang up the phone and call 911!"
I thought she must be joking, and I was home alone with baby girl! Mother in Law rushed over and off we went to the hospital. I was given antibiotics, and asked to come back at midnight for another round. I had an infection and they were concerned about my airways staying open. By the time I got back to the hospital, I was worse. More pain, swelling, spreading into my neck, harder time swallowing...I was sent for CT Scan and admitted to the hospital! This infection spread RAPIDLY. It was going into my chest, down the "highway to the heart"!

Since Wednesday night I have been in and out of the hospital. The nasty tooth was pulled on Friday, though the abcess is still there, and hardly draining! I am now hooked to an IV pump at home, giving regular doses of anti-biotics. This is day number 2 off the Percocets, and instead alternating with strong Ibuprofen and Tylenol.

I am finally on the mend. They say it will be a slow, bumpy road back to normal. The swelling is sooo much better, but my lymph nodes are still a little swollen and painful, they go up and down. The swelling in my mouth and tongue is also much better, but still a little bothersome, especially when TRYING to eat. I am so tired, bouts of nausea, developing at least 1 new bacterial infection due to the anti-biotics... I go back to the hospital tomorrow, so I am hoping to get off this IV and onto pills, and another pill for the new infection!

It has been such a difficult week, and my poor little girl... She has been an angel! But I feel like I miss her!Mom came down Sunday to help, which has been amazing! I am sad to see her leaving this afternoon, and truthfully a little nervous about how I will cope without her helping with Makiya! Mom has truly done it all these past few days, and I have needed and appreciated it so very much. It's true of me, you know there is something seriously wrong if I am asking for AND accepting help!

It is so important for us to take care of ourselves. These complications can and do happen!! Not just to other people! This time, because I was in so much pain, I was having such a hard time getting through the hours of taking care of my daughter. That was a problem that needed to be fixed. Had I been my usual self, I would have procrastinated and not wanting to go to the hospital, held on hoping to feel better on my own. This could have been so much worse, I could have died.

Needless to say, in the very near future, hubby and I intend to get our teeth fixed! I hope you are ready to get yours looked at after all these years now too?!

Beautiful

We've been enjoying some beautiful weather lately!! It's about time. No layers upon layers of clothes and sweaters, no socks!! Makiya, little outdoor girl, has been of course loving it too! Getting dirty, swing rides, slide rides and walks!! Fun stuff!

I just feel so alive in the sunshine and heat. It warms me right to the soul! It also makes me want to get out of the city, fiercely!! I am dying to get out to the mountains, do some camping and visiting! Thank goodness it's only May, there's still plenty of time!

Who wouldn't want to win a Free Book?!

I love books! I love FREE books even more! Although my husband would have a TOTALLY different take on that, he does NOT LOVE the boxes and boxes of books, and books EVERYWHERE in our life I am sure!!

Check out my mom's site, she's having a Book Give Away Contest!!  http://myownvelvetroom.blogspot.com/2010/05/book-giveaway.html

If I qualify (hee hee hee!!) I would love to win the copy of Then She Found Me-Elinor Lipman! I think I saw the movie, it was good!

Good Bye Taquito

Oh I hate it when you ignore that little voice in your head!

I had a MAD craving for a taquito from 7-11...so not something I usually eat, but I wanted one. Even before I took the first bite, I was questioning myself. "What are you doing, this is sooo not good for you..." Well, it was ok, I wasn't overcome with joy at the taste, didn't feel satiated, but it was good. A couple of hours later, I am suffering for it I am sure! My stomach is in agony! Painful, radiating into my back... I am sure you can get the picture!

Never again! Chalk that one up to another food I am giving up!

Time Out

We started with "Time-Outs" yesterday.

So, the thing is, and I KNOW that this is perhaps NOT the best way to be going about it, but, I am starting with putting her in the pack n' play/playpen. It was the only permanent, not Makiya-moveable, safe thing I could think of. She was never a regular user of the pack n' play, it has been like 6 months since she was even in it!

She was starting to be a little bum early yesterday morning, before I had even set the thing up. I was changing her diaper, which gave ME (of course I am sure only I truly benefitted from this conversation!) the opportunity to chat with her, eye to eye, without her running away. I began a lightly animated talk about what "Time-Outs" were for, what would happen etc. She appeared to listen, but certainly was not relenting in her little "ehh's" and little slaps at herself, me, the diaper! So off we went to pull the pack n' play from the closet, and she was kind of excited seeing it come out! (Several times, as I hung her clothes in her closet, she would be eagerly pointing at it.) I pulled it out to the dining room, where she intently watched me set it up, then tried to pull up on it, checking it out. I firmly told her that "No, we aren't going to play with this, it is for Time-Outs ONLY." I took her hand and off to the living room we went. It was, of course, a short time later that she began jumping/standing up on the couch. Off we went for our first Time-Out.

SHE LOVED IT! Over the course of yesterday and today, I have stuck with it. We have encountered very little crying, or even NOISE out of her. She will bounce up and down as she sits, or even lie down and happily push her feet against the sides!! When I approach her to bring her out of Time-Out, she gets excited! Smiling, squealing, even giving me a little chase! I leave her there for 1 minute, then go to her and explain why she was in Time-Out, ask for her to say sorry (which is quite obviously, more for me again, as she doesn't know how to say sorry yet!! She WILL though!!) and give me a hug, then a kiss and I tell her that I love her.

I really DO think that she is beginning to grasp the...concept?...I have asked her a couple times before hand if she would like a Time-Out and she shakes her head "No".  I went into the idea of the pack n' play knowing full well that it would be a temporary, introductory step, mostly in mind was the fact that she would soon enough figure out how to get OUT of the thing! I see now that she is perhaps ENJOYING the Time-Out a little, but I am hoping that the idea is sticking with her too. I will, likely quite soon, lose the playpen, and am sooo hoping that this first step was in the right direction!

My 16 Month 16 Year Old

Makiya! Sit on your bum on the couch.-Ok, she won't listen, I'll pull her off the couch.
Makiya! Don't pull mommy's hai...ow...don't hit me!-Ok, to the floor she goes. Little bum, she's running back to the sofa!
No Makiya, you didn't listen to mommy. We aren't going to sit on the couch right now.-Now she grabs whatever happens to be closest to her, looks at me and starts to hit object.
Makiya, we don't hit, it's not nice.-Now that sound she makes, EHHH, EHHH!! Loud, high pitched...feet stomping, fists clenched, face red, teardrops forming....

 My sweet little ladybug...She has been so trying, and I am so tired...This morning, I gave in, sat on the floor re-building the block tower I had built (she had vehemently thrown it across the floor) and started singing some silly song, trying to be funny. Makiya walked right up to me and slapped me in the face!

She slams doors, she walks away when I talk to her and she is really good at ignoring me! She shakes her head "no" when asked to do something, sometimes I wonder if she'd prefer to be a vegetarian when she consistently denies her meat, she LOVES to check herself out in the mirror!

WOW! My little girl is really going through this wonderful new stage full steam ahead! The "Terrible Twos" early, just a stage, a phase, one of the "easier" hard times...by whatever name you choose to call it, this is tough stuff! It makes me think of a teenager, myself as a teen, Makiya all grown up as a 16 year old...Oh boy, I think I am in trouble!

Behind Closed Eyes

Sand fills my body, leaving me heavy...
Feeling numb.
The curtains behind my eyes are drawn closed, abruptly shutting out the world.
The air seems thick around me,
like pea soup fog as it streams through me and into me.
Low whispers echo through my ears...
repeating, warning, beckoning...

I want to crawl out from beneath this cloud.
I can't.
It's inside of me, beneath my crawling skin.
A black hole that is swallowing me.

My fingers are clawing frantically at the air.
Grasping for something, anything...
My own voice is growing louder.
No...I resist this...I am more...

Open your eyes...OPEN your eyes...Open your EYES!

A Few Tid-Bits...

Can't say I have much enthusiasm these days. The snow is coming back, AGAIN! It's been so gloomy, with rain, sleet, snow, WIND...Have I mentioned that I have tendencies to believe I am truly living in the wrong country?! Where is the beautiful, warm sunshine?!

I realize just now that I didn't write about the visit with mom and my bro! It's been just over a week since they all left, well, like I mentioned, I have been lacking some get-up-and-go!

It was a great visit though. It had been so long since I had seen my brother, and it was wonderful for him to get the opportunity to finally meet Makiya! Also, the opportunity to get to know his special girl. We have met, but really not for any length of time, and certainly not in the way we got to spend time during this visit! It was nice to have mom and bro together as well, that had been even longer...My brother had only been here twice before, once as a child and a few years ago at Christmas, his girlfriend had never been. We all went to the Zoo, which was neat, I think they really enjoyed it! We cooked dinner for mom one night, sadly in our eyes it "didn't turn out quite right" (we inherit THAT particular gene from our father! ) , but in the end, how can you go wrong with ribs, roasted potatoes, salad and garlic toast?! We enjoyed (?!) late nights, and early mornings (good morning Makiya!) crazy conversations, several "beverages", some sunshine and parks, Red Lobster (YUM!) and time spent closely together. It was good. And like my now ex-brother-in-law, Will, used to say, "good to see you come, good to see you go!!" All in good humour, but like any good holiday, sometimes you need an extra holiday just to recover!!

Makiya has been developing "the attitude"! 16 months old, and I think we may be into the "Terrible Twos"! She has been very consistent with the "No" headshake, smiling that impish, eye-gleaming grin as she ventures forward in action she knows to be unacceptable, and adding me to her list of things she is now hitting! She is acting like such a little bumkins! She clenches her fists, goes in half circles stomping her feet, and cries "real" tears, face all squished up and red! YIKES! Is all I can say!
Her little "queen" wave is a favorite at bedtime, she pushes away from hugs and kisses with daddy, giving her little wave and now her blown kiss! Hand to the mouth for an exaggerated moment, then she throws her hand out...MMMMWWWWAAAA!!!
Have I mentioned how vain my little girl is already?! Give her anything, from a hat or purse, to a toy or book...off to the mirror she goes! She LOVES the mirror! She shows off in front of it, watches herself move, make faces, laughs this crazy little laugh, dances, stomps around...it is the most precious thing!
Her poor little eyes...no word from the doctors yet, and I guess I should give them a follow-up phone call. During the family visit, we didn't really notice her eyes straying out, but it sure has picked back up. We are constantly saying "where's your eyes?" and she'll point at it, close it and back to center...I really have a tough time with it, I know it should be just fine, and fairly easy to treat, but...I just don't want this for her!
My baby girl! My little monkey! My smart, smart girl! Mmmmwwwaaaa!!!

Mom-in-Laws birthday dinner yesterday. She came over with Hubby's sister and her two kids and we had a nice little dinner and cake. Makiya loves it when they come to play! She gets to kiss her baby cousin and play with the older 4 year old cousin. It was a nice little visit, and against my protests, my sis-in-law did all of the dishes! Such a sweet treat, let me tell you! Man I miss having a dishwasher!! Oh, a real one, I do not mean my SIL!

I finished a great book, brought by mom of course! (long story to save for another day, but we'll leave it at, Mom and myself, we LOVE books, and the many we have in our possessions will tell THAT truth!)  It has actually been months since I really read....loved it! Imperfect Birds-Anne Lamott is a great read. Check out mom's blog http://myownvelvetroom.blogspot.com/ she has a link to a great review she wrote about the book!

Well, a little rambling on...but, here's to another week!