The past few months (perhaps if I were to be completely honest, I would admit that it’s actually been closer to a year) have held vast amounts of uncertainty and worry in my life, and I realize how that has impacted the job I have been doing as a Mommy.
Days where my inability to concentrate or fully BE with my daughter have added up, run together and become more of a consistency at times than the days where she was my world, fully. I “have” to do this or that, it’s time to make lunch/dinner, we have to go to the store, it’s “time” for this and that, “in a minute honey!”, “not now”, “later”, all becoming more and more frequent.
I have observed changes in her that I, out of feelings of guilt, attribute to the change in our patterns.
It makes me feel horrible. I have moments where these realizations cause me to panic.
After allowing stress to be the ruler of our days for so long, and tired of the walls closing in around us, I hit a point in the past week where I decided that it was time to let her have some fun. I found a couple of new, free activities for us to attend; I wanted to get out and do some things that were new and different, in addition to the regular Storytime at the library and her Music Class.
What started out as a plan with the best of intentions, I now realize, was not the required prescription.
Instead, I feel totally wiped out; not to mention the gazillion things that didn’t get done this week.
My girl? She is exhausted and cranky.
She hit the nail on the head when we got home this afternoon, just in time for me to start dinner, “I just want you to sit down and read with me!”
Lesson of the week: She doesn’t want to do more, get out more, see more. She wants me. Fully present, happy, fun and engaging, ME.