Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Finding My Way Through the Storm

I don’t know how or why, but there are so many things about life, myself and my hopes and dreams that I, early on, seemed to have just taken a sit back, expectant, it will come to me type of view upon. I kind of took for granted, assumed, that things would work out and I would end up, magically in the life I envisioned.
Ridiculously, I took the rest with a grain of salt, seeing it as par for the course, part of the journey “there”, and expected it to work itself out, without any help from me. The little nagging details that sometimes accompany situations, people etc., the things I foolishly ignored or turned the other cheek to; as if it would all just disappear in time and I wouldn’t have to face it.

It seems as though many of those ignored matters are suddenly blasting towards me, with their sing-song voices screaming “Aha ha ha!! Found you! We’ve been waiting for you!”

The repercussions of said ignorance can sneak up on you, and, suddenly, tear the very ground you stand upon out from beneath you. And there you sit, amidst the rubble, realizing that you should have kept your eyes, ears and mouth open. You are the one who led yourself to this point, and there is no longer a finger to point at anyone but the image that stares back at you in the mirror.

While that “inner voice of my source” that I often speak of reminds me, again, that it was all meant to be, I cannot help but shake my head at the naivety of my younger self.

Then, I have to shake myself back to the present, and in a louder, stronger voice say “STOP!” The only options I have are to move forward from HERE. There will never be changing any of my mistakes, only learning from them, and finding a remedy or changing the things that are still in my hands, or at least close enough that I could still do the RIGHT thing.

I suddenly feel as though I am the baby tornado, growing into its full fury and ferocity. Larger and larger it becomes, causing chaos and destruction along its path, until, hopefully soon, the storm passes and the tornado dissipates.

This change that lies before me on the horizon, I can see the strength that comes with it. I know that denials will no longer fit; they will seem to be a foreign and unwelcome state of mind. All that I want will come to be, and will be because of ME. 
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