Thursday, July 29, 2010

Still talking...

As I opened my Facebook this morning, I was expecting it, and yet it still took me back to see yet another message from the ex. This was a long one.

I just cannot seem to wrap my head around the logic, or lack of, behind these messages, this sudden contact. Was I supposed to be happy? Is it really imagined that I may wish to be in contact? Are the updates meant to make me nostalgic, are they intended to pull heartstrings? Do they believe that I should be sad for them, offer comfort?

I am left with a heavy feeling inside of me. Yesterday felt strange, but I wasn’t as bothered as I find myself today. It confuses me… None of this matters, I am certainly not missing them in any way, I am more than happy with my life, I love my husband. I have never held any regrets in my decision to leave this person, in fact, I have not thought of our past relationship in almost as many years as it has been over! So why the darkness and irritation?!

There is a louder voice inside today that urges me to respond. I just want to be so clear, and verbalize how inappropriate I think this is. I am afraid the point would be missed and it would re-open that door. It would be taken as an opportunity to communicate.

Just as it was then, am I supposed to be pulled into a dramatic head game? This person feels the need to make an attempt at having me actually believe that they have learned, grown, realize the errors… Yet it feels eerily familiar. I walked this road years ago, and am not going there again!

I suppose it is possible that I am being overly sensitive. There is always the possibility that this person innocently wants to say hi and catch up. The small chance exists that they are only trying to ease any ill feelings that may be.

It just feels like more, and it bothers that me that they would have the audacity to try to come back into my life!

I believe things happen for a reason, we go through situations, people come and go, and it all has a purpose behind it. This one is a dark mystery. I thought all things I needed to learn/teach with that person, had been done, a long time ago.

Not quite sure how to deal with this one quite yet.
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