Anxiety, Gratitude, The Keeblers and Yahtzee

When I finally took the first, trembling steps towards my Healing and Recovery journey, trapped in the throes of agonizing anxiety among other things, "the team" gently began to teach me a little about breathing, gratitude, and grounding techniques. 

A potential problem of its own, (possible process addiction!!) Yahtzee is what I turned to. Phone in hand, chanting “Breathing in…. Breathing out…” inside my mind as I breathed deeply and slowly. I began using Yahtzee to calm me, center me, and ground me in the moment.                                                                                        

After some time, I began using the game as a practice arena for expressing gratitude. Every time I mentally crossed my fingers as the dice “rolled”, and my number came up, I would say thank you. 

And then I became sassy. LOL I UTILIZED my sassiness.

One day, I realized, with a chuckle, that I had created a vision in my mind of these little dudes, in a tiny room, looking at screens, buttons, flashing lights, and cheekily chatting away as they collaborated to run the Yahtzee game smoothly. I imagined them, watching as I reached a tough play, and chitter chattering as they tried to decide how to play next; considering who each player was, and who to reward.

 This little scenario has helped me to personalize the gratitude that I am extending. I picture these adorable, old, elf-like guys, whom I have recently nicknamed “The Keeblers” in detail. I talk to them, “C’mon… pleeeeease!!”, “Ya know ya wannnnaaa..!!”, “Pretty pleeease!!”, “C’mon Keeblers!” which is typically followed either by an “Oh. Ok. That’s ok. Thanks anyways. Maybe next time.”, and  “Eeeee!! Thank you! Thank you! I am so GRATEFUL for your help!!”. Then, I always receive a burst of “feel good” chemicals in my brain as I let out a giggle at the sheer nonsense I have just played through my mind.

Breathing-check. Gratitude-check and check. Grounding-yup. Humor-Check Check. Release of dopamine, endorphins, oxytocin, and serotonin, flowing through my body, aiding in my healing… Totally. Silly? Absolutely.

However wacky, THIS has been, and continues to be, working for me. Don’t knock it til ya try it!! LOL

 On this pathway of Healing and Recovery, there are so many different things, tips and tricks, that can help speed up the process, and make it a little less painful. Humor and laughter are truly healing and transformative, and I have realized they are the perfect prescription for me.

Sometimes we have to just let go, crawl out of our comfort zones and TRY something new and ridiculous to find that one little thing that helps us along. 

Truly, it begins with tiny, little baby steps...                                                                                             

                                  

This Girl of Ours

Well, it seems others take much more pleasure from the current antics of my daughter than I, so I thought I would update you on her “attitude” and such!

The main point I must include being that her strengths are certainly growing stronger!

While the little voice inside begs to be heard and is constantly trying to remind me, I often find myself in battles with baby girl. I allow myself to engage, which only leads to her screaming at the top of her lungs into my face. There is nothing that I can say in those moments (nor that I should say!), and not regularly enough, she finds herself in her beloved “time-out”. (I have realized that her putting herself into time out is her reminder to me that I am lacking in consistency; I am not sticking with our choice of discipline and she is letting me know I need to get to it!)

During the difficult times we have endured in these past months, and additional people that have been an influence on her, Makiya has also picked up, and quickly learned the correct usage of certain, umm, undesirable words. Luckily for me, at the time they sound more like “sit” and “pssd”, but nonetheless, she is saying them and at the right time. As hard as I try to ignore her, she comes right up to my face, a smile on hers and repeats it; in those cases I FINALLY resort to a calm, nonchalant “That’s enough.” While truly not funny, I cannot remove the image from my mind of her and her older cousin a couple of weeks ago caught in a tug o’war battle over his skateboard. When I finally intervened and removed the board, she stood there, crossed her arms and said “SIT!” Yes I know honey, life is frustrating!

Last weekend, playing with her new friend quite happily for hours, she suddenly turns wicked. Only mere moments after giving her friend a big hug, she stops. She slowly unzipped her sweater, pulled herself out of it, (typically something that requires “help mommy” at home) and proceeded to swing around and “whip” this poor girl with her it!

Her sweetness comes out in silent moments when she’ll suddenly turn to me and ask “Evthing ok mommy?” Siiighh.

Rambling to myself as I went through recipes yesterday, she turns around to look at me, palms up in the air and asks “What’d you say mommy?”

Today, I let out a noise as I burned myself removing muffins from the oven. She comes back up the stairs and says “What’s up?” I shook my head, did I really hear that? I ask her if she really just said “What’s up?” and she says “Yes, what happened?” Oh this girl just amuses me to no end!

Her favorite character is Curious George (recently being joined by Dora the Explorer) and her whole world is about George. No matter what she does or says, she will tell us that “George do this too”! Everything is likened to George and that Man in the Yellow Hat!

She is reciting her ABC’s perfectly now. Not only does she count 1 to 10, she goes back and does 10 to 1! Add to that, she is able to tell us what Cat, Dog, Zoo, Mom, Dad, No, Go and Makiya are when we spell it aloud for her, as she sees it on paper and spells it out, she is also getting these and a few more!

Oh this girl is too smart for her parents own good!

Marriage

There are days when you can barely look in them in the face for fear of saying or doing something you may regret; sooner or later.


There are days you wake up and can’t wait to look into their eyes, spend all day with them, do anything and everything with them; TODAY!

There are hard days.

There are days you know you will cherish and laugh about for years to come.

Some days it’s easy.

Some days, it’s hard as hell.

Some days you laugh.

Some days you cry.

Some days you can’t wait for them to walk out the door.

Other days, you wish they could call in sick.

There are days you reminisce about your wedding day.

Then, there those days you wonder “what was I thinking?!”

There are days you smile.

There are days you scream and yell.

There are days you don’t think you will ever survive.

There are the days you ask yourself how you got so lucky.

We love and we hate.

We adore and we despise.

Most days, we simply try.

We do the best that we can.

Marriage. It isn’t easy. It isn’t without hard work. It isn’t without strength and endurance. It is about tolerance and perseverance. It is about trust. It is about growth.

It is an amazing journey.

Those Things Our Kids Say

A few days ago, my 26 month old daughter spoke words to me that I thought would be, at the least, a few years away.

We sat at the table with her lunch sitting in front of her. A typical meal, she twisted and turned in her chair as she ate sparingly. Also normal, was my continual utterance of “Makiya, please turn around and eat…”

Today was different though. This little girl turned around, sat on her bum and put her head down. Then she said “I merry mad Mommy.”

Stunned a little, I shook my head, perhaps something was blocking my ears from hearing my girls words correctly? I asked her if she said she was mad at me.

“Yes. I merry mad Mommy. Merry angwee.”

I tried very hard not to laugh, a little smirk creeping across my face, “I am very sorry to hear that, but you still need to eat your lunch.”

She’s very mad at me, angry even?!

Takes me back a few months, to the morning I asked her to please clear her toys off of the table so we could get up and eat breakfast. She said no, her then favorite word. I repeated my request, asking where she would eat if she didn’t move these things. She turned back to the table and proceeded to take the tablecloth by the corner and pull. In one movement, the table was cleared and she was looking back at me quite pointedly. No words required there!

Oh this little girl is growing up so quickly; a little too smart for her own good we often remark. Or is it too smart for OUR own good?!

She certainly does take it all in.

Nap and bedtime battles have gotten the best of me recently, and she is now showing, or more accurately telling, me the message that she has gotten and chosen to ignore; EVERYTIME we prepare for the sleep routine. This is what I hear:

“No toys, no stowee, bed. Okay? Okay.” That’s right Makiya, “If you don’t clean up your toys, we won’t read a story, it will be bedtime.”

“Bedtime bedtime.” She says. Yes Makiya, “Bedtime is bedtime.”

“Dettin ohd.” Yes, “This is getting old.”

“No moah.” That’s right, “I am not doing this anymore.”

Oh yes, this daughter of mine is keeping me on my toes!