Day #2-Gratitude Journaling

1. I am so grateful for the recent contact with my step daughter! It is so exciting for her dad, I miss her so much too, and I am so hopeful for her to meet her sister!

2. Mmm, the smell of a delicious dinner of chicken, potato, onion, butternut squash and apples, rosemary and garlic….cooking all day in the crock pot; little work required early in the day with a perfect, simple dinner as a result.

3. TIME with my daughter; to learn her characteristics, her stories and her style of communicating.

4. I am appreciative of the surprise visit from hubby/daddy at lunch time; a nice pause in the middle of the day, for mom and Makiya!

5. I am so very grateful for the abundance of food, the ability to “stock up”, the extras we have been able to afford recently; a simple thing, yes, but having a freezer full is something that should never be taken for granted!

I am excited to be giving attention to these “little” things in my life, the wonderful things that flow in, sometimes without a second thought. What an opportunity for growth and understanding, and obviously, the chance to welcome MORE of all that I love and appreciate!

Amber Starfire and my mom, Linda Hoye, are the wonderful ladies that put me back on this journey of journaling my gratitude, so, I should add them as #6 on my list of Gratitude today!

Dinnertime Tears

Last night, as I prepared to make dinner, I made a single mistake. While this little error in judgment was certainly not the end of the world; in that instant my world DID stop. I broke down into tears. My husband gave me a little look, followed by words that kind of grind the moment down even further, “It’s that bad that you’re now going to be all grumpy?” Needless to say, he didn’t receive an answer!

The answer to his question was “No.” However, in that minute where everything changed from what I had expected, the weight of the world crashed down upon my shoulders. Every other frustration in my mind, every worry and concern; I suddenly felt like I was beneath a large, dark mountain. I couldn’t control the tears as they began to fall. Large, wet drops streamed down my face. I stared out the window, conscious of the fact that I wasn’t crying about dinner. All of the things I’ve wanted and all of the things I haven’t wished to experience just seemed to smother me then. “What do I do now?” was echoing through my mind, but the question was no longer about dinner. I honestly felt like just walking out the door into the dark, wet streets and wandering.

It took me awhile, but I finally took a deep breath in…through the nose…and let it all out…through the mouth. There was certainly nothing that could be done to solve anything at the time, so I knew I had to just step forward. After all, dinner wasn’t going to cook itself!

Today, I can more fully comprehend what was happening inside of me last night. It has reminded me of a few important things:

1. We should never judge another’s reaction to any circumstance; you don’t always know where exactly the emotions are really coming from.

2. Keeping things bottled up inside is never a good thing, those emotions are guaranteed to come out in the worst and least expected times.

3. Life doesn’t fix itself. Nothing in our lives will change unless WE do something to bring that change about.

4. Love and Marriage require work; consistent and continuous work. I miss my husband. Yes, he is here, but we have been going through a bit of a rough patch. We are both missing each other, but, we’ve obviously not been paying attention to what I mention in #3!

I’ve got some thinking and work to do it would seem! At least dinner is already cooking away in the Crock Pot!

“To give ones heart, is to give all” – Ghandi

“When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” – Lao Tzu

“You were born with potential. You were born with goodness and trust. You were born with ideals and dreams. You were born with greatness. You were born with wings. You are not meant for crawling, so don’t. You have wings. Learn to use them and fly.” - Rumi