A Long Overdue Thank You

For the past couple of years I have been allowing myself to feel angry with someone who had previously meant the world to me.

 I was angry because I felt that she had changed, and as my feelings grew a little stronger, I also suddenly had open ears for whatever anyone else had to negatively say about her. I allowed myself to become stuck in a place of anger, distaste and regret, when it came to her.

Something I heard the other day stuck out, like a message kind of hitting me over the head, and it told me it was time to really look at this situation, and clearly.

Whatever happened in her life, before or after our special time, is of no matter. Most importantly, it is of no matter to what our relationship meant to me.

What IS important was the role that she played in my life back then, what she was able to give me and show me about myself. The closeness that we shared gave me so much; taught me, allowed me to be me, and gave me warmth and comfort when I most needed it. She was the one I ran to, escaped to, when my world felt like it was crashing down around me. She was, what I felt at the time, the sole provider of unconditional love and support in my life.

It comes down to that whole thing about judging other people, and who am I to do that to her after all she offered to me?

As I have pondered this over the past few days, it has made me feel a little ashamed, and sad. While I may not have been the one to “change” our relationship, neither was she really. She grew and I grew, we just happened to grow apart; sad as that is.

I miss the closeness that we shared, the ability to openly and freely express exactly how I was feeling, the fun that we had together.

But, perhaps, the teacher’s job was done. The time that was needed between us passed, she was needed elsewhere, and I had to move forward in my own life of learning and teaching others.

Instead of grieving what had felt like and seemed to have been lost, instead of feeling angry and betrayed, I should have simply celebrated the role that she played in my young life. I should have been remembering to keep gratitude in my heart for all that she gave to me.

And so, for now, while I likely won’t be able to bring myself to actually say all of this to her directly, I still want to acknowledge it, say it aloud, put it out there, back into the universe and all of our energies…

Thank you. Thank you for being that special person in my life, the lifeline that, truly, kept me alive. Thank you for being understanding, non-judgemental, and, loving. Thank you for being there when nobody else seemed to think I was worth it. Thank you for believing in me, when no one else seemed able to. Thank you for letting me be who I needed to be then, for it has made me who I am today. Thank you. And, I love you.

Caught Up Catch Up

I have been caught up lately in a multitude of things that I won’t even begin to get into now, but, to catch you up to speed, I will share some of what has been occupying my mind these days!

My mind has been taken over by ideas, books, Pinterest, websites, and it’s been time to start putting some of the new found and broadened knowledge that I have been compiling.

Gardening, self-sufficiency, healthy eating for our family, composting, worm farms, heirloom seeds, oh the list could go on!, have all been on my mind for a while now, and it’s coming to that time of year where I am getting anxious and eager to make another attempt at growing some fruits and vegetables of our own. Since last year, I have been reading TONS of stuff, chatting with mom, Linda Hoye, and growing tons of ideas inside my head. This year, we’ve changed what we’re growing a little, added some extras, and are trying to start a few from seed indoors. Due to a change in our living circumstances, this year, I will also be trying to grow our “bounty” in containers; a HUGE learning curve!

I shared that we were making an attempt to grow our celery, the cutting from store bought, and at first it seemed to be doing wonderfully, until one morning I came in and found it completely wilted over, and surrounded by little flies; my mom had the same experience, but I was undeterred! We started a new one a few weeks ago, and again it has taken off! Surprisingly to me, and more similar to my moms experience, this one didn’t sprout roots immediately, but it finally did and we just transplanted it into a pot yesterday. I am excited and hopeful that we’ll have better luck this time. Makiya as well, she gave it the familiar little pep talk, encouraging it to grow healthy and strong.

Mom (be sure to check out this link, different from the one above, this is her Gardening Glog!) was down for a visit a few weeks ago, and brought with her, the second annual Sunflower and Pumpkin Seed Kits for her and Makiya. A little eager perhaps (?!) we have already started them, and they are growing along beautifully!

I am also counting the days until we can set up the new greenhouse mom brought for me!! Spoiled gardening newbie = GRATEFUL!! 

I was thrilled to be able to attend a community Seed event last weekend, where we picked up some Heirloom seeds, and of course, tons of information on topics including permaculture, worm farms, CSA Farms in our community and an assortment of other idea inspiring literature.

I got to work later in the week, and prepared some seed cups from toilet paper rolls; I have heard mixed reviews on these, but am optimistic that they will work out just fine. We started some Mini Bell Assorted Peppers in those, and in larger pots began, what I am quickly realizing, TOO MANY Broccoli seeds! I began to panic when they sprouted after only two days and how many healthy extras I have, but decided that I can always give them away to family and friends once they get bigger and stronger; in fact, I think they will make a wonderful little gift! I was worried about the pots/containers I would need in the meantime, but have come up with a plan to make our own paper pots, I will let you know how THAT turns out!

I desperately want to get a compost started, and would love to get a worm farm going; things to come soon! I HAVE started saving my coffee grounds and eggshells though, and for the time being have begun using them on my house plants.

Again, inspired by Pinterest, I have begun to create a few little things, with, of course, a mind full of projects and pictures to come!

                                                                     Our birdfeeder...

                                 My jars and vase freshened up...the pics don' treally do it justice...

And a little from my little artist girl…

More to come soon!

Random Catching Up...

I have gotten off to a bit of a slow start in the way of keeping up with my theme of Motion for the year. Although I did get a major start on organizing our disaster of a basement, it was only to find baby girl and I SICK the very next day, and two weeks later we sit with not much else accomplished.

During this down time, I have being quietly pinning, pining and planning away over on Pintrest, and boy have I come up with some wonderful ideas to do around the home, crafts with Miss Magoo, gardening ideas, recipes and oh I could go on! My husband actually pinned me down on it last night; “So, how many pins do you have now, thousands?! What are you going to do with it all?!” Well, honey, that’s just it, I hope to DO all of it, eventually! My mind has been working around several of the ideas, and I am getting excited to get to work!

Adding to our downtime was the frigid temperatures we have endured for over a week now, and thankfully, we are finally coming around to warmer days! I am eagerly awaiting getting outside to play, explore and get moving after being stuffed up inside for some time now. I have an idea for a little terrarium for Makiya, and, perhaps crazily, am hoping to find at least some of our different mosses surviving beneath the snow, somehow!

On the topic of gardening, mom (and check out her new GLOG!!) and I started celery indoors, another idea found over on Pintrest, and are surprised to see how quickly each of ours is growing. Excited about growing veggies, or at least starting them indoors, Makiya and I just set a potato up to start growing as well. I love watching her excitement and curiousity every day as we check in on our new friends, she gets real close, kind of brushing her cheek on the celery (well, really ALL plants and flowers) and whispers to it, “You’re beautiful, good growing!” She randomly comes out with suggestions for this year’s garden, which I also love.

I’ve been collecting pretty much everything that I would often toss away or into recycling this past year, mostly with the intent of using them for crafts, but that has grown into gardening ideas and home décor crafts that I am also looking forward to creating; I love the idea of repurposing items into something fresh and new, and even more, the idea of NOT having to spend money on these “new” items!

So, looking at just a few of our pictures from the past few weeks, I guess I am making a wee bit of headway with the whole "motion" thing... Can't wait to keep moving and creating!