Those Smells

It's funny the way a smell can totally transport you to another time, another place.

Sometimes you are in the physical presence of the object that is emitting the aroma, and
then there are times when it seems to come from thin air.
Like it's been hidden inside of you and is suddenly  released.
It overwhelms your senses, making you see things and feel things and taste things and of course, smell that wonderful something!
The memories that waft into you with each breath you take...
It can be such a wonderful reminder.

Today, I cannot stop thinking of this lotion that I got about 4 years ago.
 My boss had brought it back from one of her trips to Costa Rica. It was the most delicious, fresh, vibrant and wonderful smelling stuff I have ever had! It smelled of tropical flowers, summer sunshine, the beach and all those beautiful things! The lotion itself was pretty good too, but it was that smell that captured me. It took me to my "special place" when I opened that little container! Sometimes, that is what I did, open it up just to take in that scent. I even kept it around for a long time, until finally there was nothing left when I opened it up, no more sweet reminders...

I can still smell that wonderful scent, and it always refreshes me. Every time I think of my tropical dream, I become bathed in the smell of that lotion.

Such an amazing thing, our sense of smell. What an enormous power it really does have!

Today is the day

I am a huge believer in the laws of attraction, "The Secret" and all the things authors like Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay and Eckhart Tolle discuss. Reading their books and working through the  lessons that they share excites me and awakens that spark inside of me. I  tried hard to really start living by these messages and truths.

Suddenly all the good that seemed to be blossoming around me vanished, and aside from some BIG wonderful things (like my beautiful daughter!) happening, life took a tremendous swoop into a downward spiral. I have come to describe it as a massive black cloud that will not lift. This darkness came about 2 years ago, and progressively got darker. For a long time I persisted with my beliefs and remained positive as often as I could. I wouldn't allow myself to get pulled into the whirlwind, and somehow managed for the most part to stay just above it. My feet dangled just low enough to feel the winds, but it wasn't strong enough to drag me inside.

Lately, that power has abandoned me completely. It has left me at the bottom of this chaos, lights out, walls up. I haven't been able to connect with that light, the energy, the trust and belief. In the back of my mind is this little voice that whispers to me, calling me back.  I need to release myself again to its power. I long for it, I dream of it, and yet I cannot seem to release myself and allow it to happen.

I know I have to shift my mindset. Stop that internal madness and just let go. I need to allow my purpose to find me again. This has all been exactly where I needed to be, these are the feelings I have needed to feel and it was all meant to be. It was all meant to take me to the next chapter, the next journey, the next set of challenges that are waiting to begin.

I can feel the warmth, see the sunshine, taste and smell the beauty in all that is to surround me. I know that I will get there, and it will all be just as I have imagined and dreamed it to be. Every single day is a step closer. Every day is a doorway that opens to the possibilities that are. Each new day could be the day that it happens.

Today is THE day.

Get Back to Writing Already!

It has always been so much easier for me to sit down and write when I am not at my happiest!

I find that to be a huge hinderance for so many reasons other than the obvious, of course it would be nice to feel the desire, the itch to write when life is full of sunshine.
More to that though, I feel apprehensive about venting those deeply dark emotions in such a way that I could be discovered! Be it on paper, where I could keep it to myself, or on something like this blog...it is difficult to allow myself to be completley honest about my feelings during these darker times.

I know that writing is like a form of therapy for myself, so it is counter-productive for me to allow such mental blocks to get in the way. It is something that I really need to get over. I must do it to heal, move forward, and grow!

Fake

We are always told to try, to just do it...

Put that smile on your face when you'd rather frown, or cry...
Laugh when you'd be happier to let out a scream...
Get up when you'd prefer to snuggle deeper into those blankets...

The act of faking it, pushing forward when you'd love to just give in and fall flat.

Do they know that the darkness envelops you even more when you pretend to feel those things that just aren't there? It doesn't help the "happier" emotion overcome you, it doesn't turn the lights on at the end of the tunnel. It makes you feel even more alone than you did before. It leaves you wondering...why should I have to pretend?..why do I not feel it from within?...don't they understand?

It seems to make more sense to go with the present emotion, feel it, succumb to it. To work through the pain and anger in your own time and manner.

It is not real if you are forcing yourself to do it. It doesn't make it true. It has to come from deep inside, and you just cannot make something be through the decieving act of FAKING IT.