Saturday, August 28, 2010

Creating Life Experiences

Our perceptions can quickly take over and become our reality. What we see, what we choose to see and believe, can begin to creep in and continue to grow. Although we may believe deep down inside that we could not possibly create certain circumstances for ourselves, we couldn’t MAKE things happen or not happen, why would we do that do ourselves?! The truth is we DO create what we experience in our lives, in our thoughts and feelings. I know this to be true because I have experienced it multiple times throughout my life.

Still, knowing this, I can find myself at times wallowing in something I know I could ultimately remove myself from. I remain stuck in an emotion, almost enjoying its comfort, as if its darkness were a warm hug instead of a pointless and harmful feeling. I CHOOSE to stay in a place of negativity. I decide to walk head first into a tunnel of emotions instead of reconnecting my thoughts to a more positive energy flow.

Why do we do that to ourselves? Lack of knowledge ( which makes me think of one of my favorite quotes "You did what you knew how to do at the time, and when you knew more, you did better." - Maya Angelou ) or sometimes, for a brief time, we actually need to fully feel the thought, the hurt, the pain. There are times when we need to allow the darkness to run its course, to consume us completely so that we can capture its true name/face before it can be totally released. Like a volcano, deep inside the darkness lava begins to slowly boil, under the right conditions, it gets hotter, and the lava seems to increase, to boil harder…suddenly the pressure becomes too much and it all lets go. I suppose that sometimes, there are feelings and experiences that can become so deeply knit into the fibers of our beings that in order to get to that place of releasing it completely, we must let it all come together again first.

Although it can sometimes be difficult to remember, I DO know that I will come out and be reconnected with the lighter, more positive energy source. Once I allow myself to release the emotions that need to be removed, I will find the strength to climb out of the darkness and choose to feel the things that make me happy and grateful. I will get back to creating the experiences that I DO want in my life.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Happy Anniversary

Lover and I celebrated our 4th Wedding Anniversary yesterday, to be quickly followed by our anniversary of 9 years! Wow, how time has flown.

As I am sure most couples do in the beginning, we spent many conversations adamantly swearing that we would be together “forever” and that we would never become one of the stereo-typical couples that change over the years, grow distant etc.

It is amazing how life so quickly takes over our thoughts. Just like a broom, day to day life sweeps it all aside. It becomes easy to forget little dreams, promises and hopes that we once held close to our hearts. We take advantage of our partner in ways, expecting them to always be there, to never change. We forget all of the joys that we have shared, sometimes getting caught up in the chaos of life itself. We find ourselves in places and roles that we never imagined, and have no choice other than to muddle through. We put on faces that we never intended to wear, but we get past it. We lose each other once in awhile, but we always find each other again.

While we of course believe that we will stay together, each year that passes makes me feel that much more proud of us. It would be great to say that we didn’t slip into some of these situations, the ones that we swore would never happen to us…but, sometimes it is impossible to be in control of everything, and life does get in the way. Through all of our daily struggles, we manage to stick together. We know that we truly love each other.

Happy Anniversary Baby, I Love You…Forever, Longtime, Always
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