Our perceptions can quickly take over and become our reality. What we see, what we choose to see and believe, can begin to creep in and continue to grow. Although we may believe deep down inside that we could not possibly create certain circumstances for ourselves, we couldn’t MAKE things happen or not happen, why would we do that do ourselves?! The truth is we DO create what we experience in our lives, in our thoughts and feelings. I know this to be true because I have experienced it multiple times throughout my life.
Still, knowing this, I can find myself at times wallowing in something I know I could ultimately remove myself from. I remain stuck in an emotion, almost enjoying its comfort, as if its darkness were a warm hug instead of a pointless and harmful feeling. I CHOOSE to stay in a place of negativity. I decide to walk head first into a tunnel of emotions instead of reconnecting my thoughts to a more positive energy flow.
Why do we do that to ourselves? Lack of knowledge ( which makes me think of one of my favorite quotes "You did what you knew how to do at the time, and when you knew more, you did better." - Maya Angelou ) or sometimes, for a brief time, we actually need to fully feel the thought, the hurt, the pain. There are times when we need to allow the darkness to run its course, to consume us completely so that we can capture its true name/face before it can be totally released. Like a volcano, deep inside the darkness lava begins to slowly boil, under the right conditions, it gets hotter, and the lava seems to increase, to boil harder…suddenly the pressure becomes too much and it all lets go. I suppose that sometimes, there are feelings and experiences that can become so deeply knit into the fibers of our beings that in order to get to that place of releasing it completely, we must let it all come together again first.
Although it can sometimes be difficult to remember, I DO know that I will come out and be reconnected with the lighter, more positive energy source. Once I allow myself to release the emotions that need to be removed, I will find the strength to climb out of the darkness and choose to feel the things that make me happy and grateful. I will get back to creating the experiences that I DO want in my life.
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